At the request of Y'all, I decided I'd post. And try to post often. If any of you still pay attention to this blog. ;) The following is an article that I wrote for a webzine. Hope you enjoy it!
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Two Different Love Stories
All of the following article was written for and directed to young men. The ladies are welcome to read it, but keep in mind who it was written for.
I think any sensible person over the age of thirteen can agree that love has to be one of the most peculiar things that God ever created. In this article, I'd like to focus on one "type" of love. I guess we could call it "young love". You know, that emotion that leaves you either constantly babbling, or absolutely speechless, legs shaking, or stiff as a beanpole. Some unlucky ones experience all the symptoms at once. You have my condolences. If you're fortunate, you may have mastered the art of being able to act semi-normal around the object of your love, but even then, you have your limits. Somewhere around 3 minutes is usually the breaking point.
Seriously though; I often wonder, was God laughing when he created love, knowing how much it would confound even the most brilliant of philosophers? I'm one of those people who believe that God truly does have a sense of humor, and I think he must have at least been smiling during that period.
Yes, young love is truly remarkable. I've seen it motivate young Christian men to strive for excellence. I've seen it give them a sense of direction, and plans for the future. I've seen their eyes shining as they talk about that "certain someone". But sadly, I've also seen it take over people's lives. I've seen it ruin friendships, and break hearts.
So what's the difference? Why does the same thing cause polar opposite results?
Well, actually, it's not the same thing, though it may appear to be. I like to divide it into two categories. Selfish love and True love.
Selfish love means exactly what it’s name implies. It's centered around you. That goes against every definition of the word "Love". "Love… is not self-seeking" (Cor. 13:5) Selfish love can often look like many teenage crushes do. They simply want to get as much as they can for themselves during the relationship.
So how do you as a guy handle a relationship with your love interest? Well, let's look at what true love looks like.
True love is the total opposite of selfish love, if you didn't already guess that. It requires everything to be done in thoughtful consideration of the well being of the other. It must respect the parents’ wishes, and work to not commit each other's hearts and emotions. It recognizes and acknowledges that such a relationship might not be God's plan for them.
Having a realistic view of what's going to happen is key. Chances are, you're not getting married for awhile. And when you do, she may not be the one you marry. It's in the best interest of both that you handle the relationship with care. If you really love her, wouldn’t it be better to spend this time preparing yourself to be able to support a family? Spend your time investing in preparation for the future and the Lord’s service, instead of in romantic feelings for someone, and you and she will be spared much pain and will be better off in the long run.
I've witnessed the fruit of several young men who have taken this challenge, and it's been amazing to see them excel at their studies and work and see them grow in their relationship with God. The results are drastically different from the hurt and pain selfish love has caused others.
Above all, be sensitive and obey the will of God in your life. He knows better than anyone what's best for you. As long as you are striving to do God's bidding, you'll be fine. A good relationship will be the result of a good relationship with God. If you respect the wishes of your parents, then you’ll be obeying the command to honor your father and your mother (Ex. 20:12) and you’ll be better off for it. Trust me on that one. If you work to be careful with your emotions and the girls, you’re obeying the verse where it says “Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.”
My brother Josh, in his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye shared a story of a girl's dream:
"It was finally here—Anna's wedding day, the day she had dreamed about and planned for months. The small, picturesque church was crowded with friends and family. Sunlight poured through the stained-glass windows, and the gentle music of a stringed quartet filled the air. Anna walked down the aisle toward David. Joy surged within her. This was the moment for which she had waited so long. He gently took her hand, and they turned toward the altar.
But as the minister began to lead Anna and David through their vows, the unthinkable happened. A girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked quietly to the altar, and took David's other hand. Another girl approached and stood next to the first, followed by another. Soon, a chain of six girls stood by him as he repeated his vows to Anna.
Anna felt her lip beginning to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes. "Is this some kind of joke?" she whispered to David.
"I'm…I'm sorry, Anna," he said, staring at the floor.
"Who are these girls, David? What is going on?" she gasped.
"They're girls from my past," he answered sadly. "Anna, they don't mean anything to me now… but I've given part of my heart to each of them."
"I thought your heart was mine," she said.
"It is, it is," he pleaded. "Everything that's left is yours."
How much of your heart will be left for your wife?
